


Nothing is Sacred

by Laurana117



Category: The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Atheism, Fight Scenes, M/M, Magic, Memory Loss, Minor Violence, Religion bashing, religious discussions
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-23
Updated: 2015-10-07
Packaged: 2018-04-16 21:28:35
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 20,549
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4640832
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Laurana117/pseuds/Laurana117
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Loki is a famous intellectual. He holds two Ph.Ds. and is known throughout the world as an outspoken Atheist. He thinks that religion is slowing society down and everyone would be better off if the delusion of religion had never existed.</p><p>He starts to have mixed feelings after he meets the God of Thunder. And Loki can’t understand why the guy keeps insisting they know each other and that Loki is the God of Mischief.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. How do you know me?

**Author's Note:**

> I had the idea for an Atheist Loki story for a few weeks. I decided to post it today.
> 
> If you are offended by religion bashing, please don't read this. This story is supposed to entertain, not hurt. If you don't want to read this don't read it. 
> 
> And before you tell me I'm going to Hell I just want you to know that it is 100% humid outside where I live. I'm already in it. ;)

Loki’s foster parents had always told him to keep his religious disbeliefs to himself. All the other kids believe in God, why doesn’t Loki?

He never understood where the disbelief came from himself. Maybe it had always been there.

But Loki had always had it. He would see the other children at school talking about church or praying and he felt sorry for them.

The thought that someone needed some holy deity to pray to just seemed funny. People couldn’t stand the idea that maybe there was no purpose to life and maybe life hadn’t been designed by anything other than itself.

And he especially hated when people credited their own creations and achievements to some sort of divinity. If you’ve done something then you should be proud of it.

But Loki had kept silent all through school. He didn’t let anyone know how much he detested religion and how flawed it ultimately was. It was never easy, because for some reason the child services had decided to name him after a Norse God when they found him. It had made his life into one giant hypocrisy. Here he was, an Atheist who had no need for religion or a God, named after an ancient God.

But only the truly learned schoolchildren knew the Norse Pantheon. So few knew of Loki’s somewhat double identity.

Loki kept his Atheism stifled all through public school. And when he went to college he exploded.

He started the first secular society at his college. He began having monthly meetings for ‘recovery from religion’ where he talked to people who felt bad about leaving religion but ultimately had to because their beliefs didn’t help them anymore. He wrote papers about the inherent flaws in every religion.

And after he graduated he went onto grad school, and then after that he earned two separate Ph.Ds.

And during all his time in school he began writing for various magazines and newspapers about the abhorrence of religion and his hopes for a secular world.

His first book, _Beyond Faith_ was on the New York Times bestselling list and it allowed him a large following and several televised appearances.

The world was not ready for someone like him, but it got him.

Loki loved his job. He wrote for a magazine fairly regularly, taught a religious studies class at NYU and was still making television appearances even three years after his book was published.

He had just had the best week, he’d published an essay about how horrible the idea that homosexual is a sin and he’d debated a creationist on television. He was still riding the high when the worst thing happened.

The Avengers formed.

Now, Loki had no problem with super powered humans and a few spies protecting the world from the forces of evil. To each their own.

But there was a guy in the Avengers who claimed to be a God. And not just any God, but the God of Thunder from Norse mythology.

He told the press that his name was Thor. And fittingly, he could control the weather and he carried around a magical hammer and could fly.

Even though he appeared like a nice enough guy during interviews Loki hated him.

This ‘Thor’ had ruined everything. He had made people point at him and say, ‘Look! A God! All the Gods must exist if this one does!’ And Loki hated it.

Loki was pretty sure Thor was just a super human and not a divine being. Maybe he was a mutant or something.

Either way, after the Avengers had saved New York from some crazy person named Doom Loki had been denying all kinds of interviews. Because he knew they would all want him to recant everything he had ever said and jump on the religion band wagon.

And Loki knew that if he said anything against the Avengers then their PR people would be all over him. And he wanted to wait until classes were out for the semester to do that. He couldn’t teach his students if he had Avengers and SHIELD attacking him.

So Loki waited a few months. And aside from the random day when New York would completely shut down during an Avengers fight and the occasional interview and televised appearance Loki’s life was fairly peaceful.

That was until one particular night.

Loki had gone out to the bars with his friend and fellow teacher, Matt and they split up to go home pretty late.

Loki had spent a little too much money on drinks, so he was just going to walk home and preferably pass out. He had an afternoon class to teach the next day.

It was all going well until two guys decided to jump out of the shadows and mug him.

Loki was shoved up against a wall in an alley and a gun was shoved under his throat. There were definitely two guys, and Loki wasn’t strong enough to fight them both off.

But he did struggle.

“Let me go!” Loki yelled as he shoved them back. But they just punched him and yelled.

“Give us your wallet!” They said.

Loki managed to kick one in the groin, and he noticed that it started raining.

The other mugger raised the gun and was about to pistol whip Loki, when he was grabbed by an arm and thrown into the other wall of the alley.

“Oh shit Avenger!” One of the muggers yelled before they both ran off.

Loki glared at their retreating forms and then pushed himself away from the wall and dusted himself off. He assumed whatever Avenger had just saved him was already gone but then he heard a sharp intake of breath.

Loki looked up and wanted to die from the irony.

Thor had saved him.

Thor took a step forward so that the light behind them illuminated his features, and Loki had to admit he was a very good looking man. He didn’t look like a God though. He just looked like a powerful man.

The Hammer hung at his hip and he was wearing the ridiculous armor he always fought in.

Loki raised an eyebrow at his slow approach. Because Thor looked like he’d seen a ghost. His eyes were wide and he kept trying to say something. But his voice kept failing him.

“Loki?” Thor choked out.

Loki took a step back from him. All his senses instantly alert.

“How do you know my name?”

Loki was not prepared for Thor to surge forward and wrap his arms around him. And wasn’t sure if he should return the hug or not.

“Oh Loki.” Thor whispered.

_How does he know my name?_


	2. Better than I know myself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Love the positive feedback on this! You guys are great :)

Loki shoved Thor off of him. “I think you made a mistake.” Loki said once Thor was not hugging him. “You don’t know me.”

Thor’s brow was furrowed. “Of course I know you Loki. It’s me Thor!” Thor reached out and placed both his hands on Loki’s shoulders. He looked deep into Loki’s eyes as if searching for something. “I never thought I would see you again.”

And Loki is pretty sure Thor is crying. Because there is a suspicious wetness beneath his eyes which Loki didn’t think came from the drizzle around them.

“We _haven’t_ seen each other before.” Loki pushed at his chest plate. “Let go of me. You’re scaring me.”

That seemed to work, because Thor was instantly hands off. But there was a look of absolute confusion on his face. “But Loki…” His eyes were impossibly sad and something flickered in Loki’s mind for just a second. There was something there… Recognition? It was hard to tell.

Loki’s heart was still beating too fast from the adrenaline and he closed his eyes to focus on his breathing. He felt warm fingers on his cheek and he threw his head back.

“Look. I don’t know you. Stop touching me.” Loki yelled. “You’re mistaking me for someone else.”

“No I’m not!” Thor argued. “I know you! You are Loki! You are my br- my best friend.” Thor seemed to amend his last statement. “I know you. I _promise._ I know not how you got here, but like fate we’ve found each other.”

Loki rolled his eyes. “Just because you’re pretending to be a God doesn’t mean that I have to listen to you. I’m going home now. Leave me alone.”

But before Loki could take two steps Thor had grabbed his elbow. Loki turned to yell at him, but Thor beat him.

“You are hurt.” Thor said simply.

Loki rolled his eyes again. “I know. I just got mugged.”

“I can help you.” Thor said. “Please let me help you.”

Thor was holding his arm so gently. He didn’t seem like a threat, but Loki didn’t know him. How could he know that Thor was safe?

“I’ll take you home immediately.” Thor said. “I just want to help you. Like I always have.”

“But we don’t know each other.” Loki said stubbornly.

“I know you.” Thor said.

“But I don’t know you.” Loki countered.

“And I must figure out why.”

“I think you’re delusional.” Loki tried to yank his arm away. “It’s just a bruise, I’ll be fine.”

“Please Loki. Grant me this.”

Loki stared up at him. Where does this guy get off? “I’m not going to say yes to you just because you asked me twice. It’s just a bruise I’ll put some ice on it.”

“I have a healing stone. I brought it from Asgard. It can dispel your bruise.” Thor said.

Loki raised an eyebrow. “And you expect me to believe that you have some magic rock that can heal bruises? Can you even hear yourself?”

“Your stubbornness is intact.” Thor said fondly. “I mean you no harm. Come with me, we shall go to the Avengers tower.”

Loki sighed. “Fine.” He said. “But I want to go home afterward. And you’re going to pay for the taxi.”

Loki watched as a sadness passed over Thor’s face at the mention of ‘home’. Maybe he was just home sick and projecting those feelings onto random civilians.

Although the fact that he knew Loki’s name was a little unexplainable. But maybe Thor was stalking him.

Yes, Thor was probably just stalking him. That explained things.

Thor picked Loki up with one hand. Frowning as he did so. “You’re lighter.” Thor said as he was easily able to heft Loki up.

Loki tried not to squeak as he was hastily picked up. “I haven’t lost weight at all.” Loki said indignantly.

Thor just hummed and picked up his hammer and they were off.

If Loki screamed the entire way it was between them.

They landed on a helicopter pad and Loki instantly jumped off. “Don’t you ever do that again!” He said with venom.

Thor just took hold of one of Loki’s hands. “Of course.” He said. “This way.” He led Loki to an elevator that was away from the pad.

“Is this a restricted area?” Loki asked as he looked around the top of the Avengers tower.

“Indeed. The Man of Iron has asked that we not bring too many guests up here.” Thor said as he punched the button for the elevator.

Loki couldn’t help the grin. “Oh?” He asked.

Once they were in the elevator Thor punched one of the floors.

“You know I don’t believe in Gods.” Loki said into the silence.

Beside him Thor shifted. He sighed as if not wanting to start the conversation. “I did not think you would.” Thor said and his voice sounded tired. He looked over at Loki. “I am Asgardian. Not a God. Like you, I am not from this world.”

Loki turned angrily. “I don’t know why you think that but it’s not true!” Loki said. “You’re delusional.”

Thor sighed and rubbed his forehead. “Let me heal you first. Then you can accuse me of all sorts of things.”

Loki felt himself deflate. Thor acted like this was a somewhat normal occurrence. He didn’t seem fazed by anything Loki said.

He led Loki off the elevator and into a living room. The view was spectacular, and the room was spacious. Loki settled down on the couch and looked out the window. Thor kept walking and Loki assumed was looking for the stone.

“Are you hungry?” Thor called.

“No.” Loki called back.

But Thor didn’t listen, and when he came back a few minutes later his hands were full. He had two plates of vanilla cake, a jar of honey and a rock.

“I said I wasn’t hungry.” Loki said with crossed arms.

“And I know how to tell when you are lying.” Thor said simply. He sat down on the couch next to Loki and pulled his face close. “Let me see.” He said.

Loki reluctantly let him rub the rock over the bruise that was forming where he’d been punched. Surprisingly, the stone felt soothing. Like a nice balm being pressed into his face.

“There. Now it won’t hurt to smile.” Thor said. “Were you hurt anywhere else?”

Loki pressed into the spot where the bruise had been and was shocked when he noticed no pain. Only the sensation of his touch.

“How did you do that?” Loki asked in an accusatory tone.

Thor held the stone up. “It is a healing stone. I told you.”

Loki frowned at the stone. There had to be a logical explanation. There had to be.

But before Loki could begin to mentally dissect the thing Thor was picking up a piece of cake and pouring honey all over it.

“What are you doing?” Loki asked in horror. He had never seen that done before.

Thor raised an eyebrow at him. “I’m making you cake. You love it with honey.”

“I assure you I don’t.” Loki said. “That looks gross.”

Thor just laughed lightly. “You’ve always had a taste for sweets.”

Loki felt his heart thud. Because that was true. Loki loved everything sweet. Baked goods, sweet drinks, candy, cookies, you name it Loki probably loved it. But he had never had cakes drenched in honey.

“Try it.” Thor handed the plate to Loki.

Loki took a bite and almost choked. It was _amazing._ Why hadn’t he thought of this before?

Thor was smiling. “You like it.” He said victoriously. “As I knew you would.”

“I think a lot of sweet freaks would like it.” Loki said as he took another bite.

Thor laughed and picked up his own. “What were you doing out so late?” He asked after a few beats of silence.

“I was with friends.” Loki said. He was trying to slowly eat the cake, but it was so good. Damn Thor for ruining Loki’s life yet again.

“I am loathe to see you in danger.” Thor said quietly.

“We just met. This is all probably a one-time deal.” Loki said.

“It isn’t.” Thor said. “I have spent far too long searching for you. Now that I have found you I am going to make sure you are safe forever.”

Loki didn’t even have a suitable response for that. So he just took another bite of cake. Whoever Thor thought he was must be incredibly important to him. And even though Loki kind of hated Thor’s guts, he felt a little sad for the guy. He seemed lonely up here in this tower on a world he barely knew.

“How old are you?” Loki asked. He hoped this wasn’t a taboo question.

“I am twelve hundred.” Thor said.

“How old do you think I am?”

“I know how old you are. And I shall tell you another time. Right now you are tired.”

And Loki realized that his eyelids were drooping. Did Thor drug the cake?! Bastard.

But instead of assaulting him Thor just picked up the dishes and left the room.

“Would you like to sleep in a bed?” Thor asked as he leaned down next to the couch Loki sat on.

Loki shook his head. “I want to go home.”

Thor smiled sadly. “I will take you back tomorrow I promise. But for now you are too tired. The stone has sapped your energy and you need to rest.”

“Then I’ll sleep here.” Loki said petulantly. “And you will sleep somewhere else.”

“Of course Loki.” Thor said fondly. And he left the room.

He came back with a pillow and a blanket. And gently he tucked Loki into bed.

Loki tried to stifle his yawns but didn’t manage to catch them all.

“You better take me back tomorrow.” Loki said threateningly.

“I will. I swear.”

“You’re not a God.”

“I’m not.”

“And neither am I.”

Thor just pulled the blanket up to cover more of Loki after that. “You are Loki.” Thor whispered. “Good night.”

Loki passed out too quickly after that.

He didn’t know how long he slept, but he woke up a few hours later. He couldn’t figure out what had woke him until he heard the somewhat heavy footsteps.

Loki knew it was Thor and instantly feigned sleep.

The footsteps sounded until Thor was in the room with him. Loki wished he could open his eyes, but that would end his whole trick.

Thor stepped to his side and Loki felt him lean down. A hand skimmed over his hair and something pressed into his temple. He knew it was Thor kissing him there when he felt his bristles.

Thor’s head moved until it was resting on Loki’s chest. Directly over his heart.

Loki opened his eye to a slit and saw that Thor was kneeling next to him and resting his head on his chest like a pillow. But Thor had his eyes closed and his ear pressed to Loki’s heart. Listening to his heartbeat.

Loki felt sad again. He wondered how long Thor had been looking for the other Loki.

And then Loki thought about all the small details that were popping up. Thor had known all these odd things about him. It didn’t make sense and Loki didn’t believe in divinity or fate or any of that nonsense.

So Thor was either deluded or he was onto something.


	3. The God of Mischief and Amnesia

Loki woke up to the sound of someone yelling “Thor! Breakfast is ready!” Really loudly.

Loki tried to cover his face but it was too late because Captain America was marching into the room.

“Thor!” He said cheerfully.

He froze when he saw Loki on the couch. He must have only seen the hair because he asked, “Tony? What are you doing on Thor’s couch?”

Loki lowered the blanket and glared at him. “Please do not mistake me for that man.” He said. “I am actually intelligent.”

“Who are you?” Captain America asked. “Thor! There’s a man on your couch!”

Thor was striding out of his room then. He wore the stupid armor and had the hammer on hip.

“Aye, Steven this is Loki. Loki, this is Steven.”

Steve’s eyes narrowed at that. “Loki? Like the God?”

Loki stood up quickly. “No. Not like the God.” Loki said and sent a pointed cold glare in Thor’s direction. “Like the world famous scholar and Atheist.”

“Really Thor? An Atheist?” Steve asked.

“Loki is having a difficult time remembering. But yes, he grew up in my world. I know not how he came to be here. I wish to have Dr. Banner look him over.”

“No.” Loki said sharply. “You said you would take me back. I don’t want to be your stupid lab rat.”

“I just want to figure out what ails you Loki.” Thor said. “Surely you will at least let the Doctor examine you.”

“I know he’s not that kind of Doctor!” Loki said sharply.

“Okay.” Steve clapped his hands nervously. He looked like he wasn’t even sure about what he was witnessing. “How about breakfast? I made enough pancakes for everyone.”

“Steven is right. Let us go Loki. We can discuss the matter over a hearty breakfast.” Thor said.

Loki’s stomach growled. “Fine.” He said miserably and followed them.

Breakfast, turns out only to be Steve (who is busy trying to work the coffee machine) Natasha Romanoff, Thor and Bruce Banner.

“I can x-ray you.” Bruce Banner said some time later after they had all eaten. “I’m not a total expert in neuro science though. But I can definitely look you over.”

“I don’t think that will be necessary.” Loki said. “Thor has deluded himself into thinking I’m some sort of God. He will get over it soon enough.”

That earned him a few raised eyebrows.

“What?” Loki asked sharply.

“I just think it’s odd.” Natasha Romanoff said. “We have Thor, one Norse God who has all the abilities he should have, and is from another world. And then we find you. You have the same name as one of the Gods. It’s just too much of a coincidence.”

“I don’t believe in Fate.” Loki said.

“I thought it over last night.” Thor said quietly. Everyone turned to listen to him. “I think you should come to Asgard with me.”

Loki raised an eyebrow. “You want me to go to your fantasy land? No thanks. I prefer reality.”

“Asgard is real. We both spent our youths there.” Thor said. “The Queen of Asgard, Frigga, is a very talented seidr mage. I believe that she can help you remember.”

Loki raised an eyebrow. “And how are we supposed to get to Asgard? A flying carpet?”

“Don’t be ridiculous.” Thor laughed. “We shall ride the rainbow bridge.”

Of course.

Loki agrees to go to Asgard. Only so that Thor will leave him alone for the day and let him go teach his class.

But when Loki stepped into his religious studies class he almost drops his books when he sees Thor sitting in the back. _The bastard._

It is an awkward lecture. Because before Loki’s very eyes he sees Thor pull a notebook out and start taking notes. He even asks a pretty girl near him to borrow a pencil and Loki can’t help wondering if Thor has seen high school movies.

After the lecture Loki goes up to Thor’s desk and all but pulls him out of the room.

“What do you think you’re doing?” Loki asked spitefully.

“I thought to see you teaching. I must say, you are a very talented teacher.” Thor said with a cheesy smile. “And I wanted to take you to Asgard now.”

Loki looked down at his teacher outfit. But then he shrugged. What did he care? He had yet to see if this Asgard was even real.

“I did promise you. Let’s go.” Loki said.

Thor led Loki out of the building and before Loki could stop him, he grabbed him and they took off.

Thor made them land in a field outside of New York and Loki almost emptied his stomach upon impact. Loki was kneeling on the grass when Thor just picked him up. “Are you well?” Thor asked.

Loki glared. “As fine as I’ll ever be.” Loki looked around the field. “This doesn’t look like a magical realm.”

“You shall see it soon enough. It will welcome you.”

And then Thor stepped a little away and said, “Heimdall! Open the Bifrost!”

The name Heimdall rings a bell. From Norse myth, he hated Loki.

Before Loki can think it over further light explodes around them and he feels like his skin is ripped off. They hurl through the stars and they pass galaxies and stars. Loki’s eyes widen when they see distant quasars and the luminous lights of a sky he’s never seen before.

There are so many astrophysicists who would love to see this. But yet here he is, some guy who happens to share the name of a Norse God.

They land in a golden room Loki has never seen before and this time he actually spits up some bile.

“You will grow used to it again.” Thor said as he rubbed Loki’s back.

Loki pushed Thor away grumpily. “Stop that. I’ve never had to do that before. I _know_ I would remember that.”

Thor gives Loki space. Until Loki’s stomach settles and then they leave the room. A dark skinned man is standing outside the door. His eyes are white, unseeing and Loki guesses he must be Heimdall. Or at least maybe some alien who thinks he is Heimdall.

Maybe they are all deluded. A sad group of humanoid beings who think themselves the people of Norse myth. And maybe Loki is going to live out the Allegory of the cave and save them.

Although that sounds too fanciful.

Thor has them both climb on a horse and they ride on a rainbow bridge toward a golden castle.

Loki looks around and sees how desolate everything is. Beneath them, stars and galaxies spin on their expansive quests and above them is only darkness. Ahead of them is the castle, and it is unlike everything Loki has ever seen.

He has studied European history and none of the castles have ever resembled the one Thor was taking him to.

So Asgard appeared to be real. But nothing was jogging Loki’s memory. It looks like a hallucination honestly. Like something he had seen in dreams, and forgotten in waking.

Loki was filled with questions honestly. What was this place? How was Thor involved? And how could Loki even possibly be from this place?

They rode through a city and a few people waved to Thor. Loki didn’t know what to make of anything. The people in Asgard looked human. Yet they claimed to be Gods. How could that be?

They reached the castle and Thor took Loki’s hand and led them up a set of golden steps. Loki’s eyes were wide as he looked around. A cool wind whistled through the halls, and everywhere all around them was gold. Everything he saw was gold. What in the world…

“Thor!” A woman’s voice called. “You have returned.”

A woman approaches. In ridiculous armor like Thor and with dark hair like Loki. Her face is so pointy that it could hardly be considered beautiful, but Thor looks glad to see her. She stops in her tracks and even takes a step backward when she sees Loki. She looks him up and down and turns to Thor. “Thor, I thought—“

“I did as well. But you see him as I do. It is Loki. Clear as day.”

She nods. “It’s good to see you Laufeyson.” She says. That last word has some meaning to it. And Loki can’t tell if she’s trying to bait him or not. But the word Laufeyson doesn’t stir any recognition. It is just a word.

“Sif.” Thor admonished. “Loki is back after so long. Treat him with respect.”

“I always will.” Sif said.

“We are seeking an audience with the King and Queen.” Thor says meaningfully.

Sif’s face pinches in confusion. “But—“

The look on Thor’s face shuts her up and she is nodding. “I will notify them.” She said. And Loki had no idea what it was that Thor silently told her.

“I will get them myself.” Thor said. “If you could take Loki to the solar.”

Sif nods. And Thor goes.

Loki wonders what the secrecy is about.

The room Sif takes him to is garishly beautiful like the rest of the place. A plush couch and several chairs stand around, and Loki opts to look out the window.

“Are you well?” Sif asked awkwardly into the silence.

Loki turns to her. “I am on a strange world full of people I do not know. I don’t think well is the right word.”

She steps forward and looks at him strangely. “But you know me Loki.” She says and she picks up a strand of her own dark hair, “It is your hair that grows out of my head.”

In the silence of the room Loki can only hear his own heartbeat.

Because he knows the myth. Loki was jealous of Sif, and cut her hair in the night. And replaced it with his own hair. He wanted her to be ugly.

He has black hair. His name is Loki.

She has black hair. Her name is Sif.

He feels sick.

“I have never met you before in my life.” Loki’s voice is choked.

Sif’s eyes are wide. “How can you say that? We’ve known each other since we were children. I’ve known you for eight hundred years Loki. We know each other.”

Loki is shaking his head. Eight hundred years? Where did she even get that number? Loki is twenty seven. Not eight hundred. She can only be mistaken.

“That is enough Sif.” Thor says.

They both turn and see that Thor is flanked with two people. Loki has never seen them before, but Sif is deferential to them. Bowing just slightly and then taking her leave.

They are both older. The man on Thor’s left has white hair and white beard and is missing an eye. And the woman has long long blonde hair and is breathtaking. They must be the King and Queen.

The woman sweeps in first. “Thor tells us that you are having difficulties remembering.” She says as she looks him over.

One of her hands reaches out to touch his arm but Loki just steps away. “I remember enough.” Loki said. “I know that I haven’t been here before.”

She nods. Then turns to Thor. “Come with me, we must gather some supplies.”

Thor goes with her. Leaving Loki alone with the old man. Loki has never been in the company of royalty. He won’t squander the opportunity.

He just sits and looks up at Loki with his one eye. He doesn’t look much like a King to Loki. He just looks old and tired.

“Do you have a family on Midgard?” He asks.

“No.” Loki said with crossed arms. He sits on the arm of one of the chairs. “I do not.”

Silence lapses again. And Loki scrutinizes the man.

“You look at me with hatred.” The man says. “Why?”

“I do not hate you.” Loki says. “I do not know you. But I hate monarchy. It’s horribly archaic. An old King just gives his Kingdom to his son even though his son is unworthy of ruling.” And Loki turns his head then and smirks. The look on the old man’s face is priceless. He has probably never had anyone say this to him. “And I know Thor is your son. You’ll just give him the throne, worthy or not. And you could doom this place.”

“What would you have me do instead?”

“That is not my place to say. I am not from here. I do not have a Father to give me a throne.” Loki shrugged and smiled to himself. “You lot here think yourselves Gods. And all I see is some advanced technology and a lot of natural resources. I am going to figure this place out.”

“If anyone figures it out it will be you. You have hardly changed.” The man said. He looked sad now. Bone tired and weary, but there was a melancholia to him that Loki hadn’t seen before.

But before Loki can examine it further Thor and Frigga return.

Frigga steps to Loki and reaches an arm out like she’s going to touch him, hug him, ruffle his hair, Loki can’t quite tell. But she aborts the motion when she remembers that Loki doesn’t like touch.

“If you lie down I can examine you.” She says with a warm smile.

Loki nods. For some reason he feels compelled to do as she asks. He can’t explain it, it’s like her presence exudes trust. Loki has never felt anything like it.

When he is laying down she sits above his head. He looks up at her and she smiles down at him. “You are safe Loki. All will be well.” She says and brushes a hand through his hair. Loki’s breath catches when he remembers Thor doing the same thing to him. He had so many questions.

Loki feels her place her hands at his temples. “I am going to use seidr, it might feel strange.” Frigga murmurs.

“What is—“ Loki begins but before he can finish gold ribbons of light are obscuring his vision. He violently tries to shoo them away, fend them off, but Frigga just shushes him and keeps smiling at him.

“That is my seidr.” She said. “It will not hurt you.”

Loki takes a deep breath and with wide eyes he lays back down. Her hands resume their placement and more of the gold ribbons glimmer to life.

The gold lights are pretty. They flit around him. Brushing against his skin and almost kissing him with small pinpricks of sensation. And Loki thinks that he has calmed down sufficiently.

Until green lights begin to bloom from his skin and float upward.

“What the hell!” Loki yelled as a large band of green light wrapped around his hand. He tries to shake it off, and instead the rug in the room catches fire.

Frigga whispers some words and Loki feels his heartbeat slowing. Whatever she just said made him calm down.

“That was your seidr.” Frigga says. And even though Loki is pretty sure he just caught her expensive furniture on fire, she sounds happy. “You still have it. All of it is still with you.” She sounds so relieved. “I thought you had lost it with your memory.”

“So his memory can be saved?” Thor asked.

“Thor, I told you to remain silent. Loki needs to be calm for this.” Frigga chastised.

Thor shuts up.

Frigga eases Loki back down and he closes his eyes and lets her work the seidr around him. He is beyond disbelief at this point and very likely in shock.

“Oh.” Frigga says a few moments later.

“What?” Thor asks in panic. And even the old man looks concerned.

“I cannot return Loki’s memory.” Frigga said. The lights faded around them and Loki looks up at her. Why? Why can’t she help him?

“Because the one who locked them away was Loki. And I cannot undo the spell.” Frigga said sadly.


	4. The Maternal Queen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I put their spells in Latin because I felt like channeling some Potter. And I'm studying Latin and had the dictionary nearby.

She has to be lying. There is no way any of this is real.

Loki sits up from the plush couch. He looks the woman in the eye, Frigga. She is their Queen. She seems so concerned about Loki. And it makes no sense. How does she know him?

None of this story adds up. Why would the Queen of the Asgardian Gods be so concerned for _him?_ Shouldn’t she be glad to be rid of him?

“But if it is a spell then Loki can undo it?” Thor said hopefully.

“He sealed away centuries of seidr knowledge along with his memories.” Frigga said. She brushed a hand against Loki’s bicep and looked sadly into his face.

“This all sounds ridiculous.” Loki said with crossed arms. “You’re obviously making this up to fool me. It won’t work. Thor, I want to go home. I’m done here.”

Frigga looked sad. “But you are home.” She said as she looked down.

“Is there nothing we can do?” Thor asked. “Can we find the spell and have him say the undoing?”

Frigga shook her head. “It is a forbidden spell. None have ever undone its effects. We cannot know what he was thinking when he did it. But to feel so hopeless. Oh Loki.” And then Frigga wrapped her arms around him.

This time the old man stood up. Odin, the King of the Aesir.

“If Loki cannot remember his time here and does not want to be here then he should go. It will do no good to keep him here.” And then he left the room.

“I think he is right.” Loki said when he was gone. “Besides, even if you’re right and I am the God of Mischief, wouldn’t you be happier to have me gone? Your society will be peaceful indeed.”

“I will never be happy with you away.” Frigga whispered.

Loki laughed. “You are a good Queen.” He told her quietly. But as he spoke he started moving her arms and leaving her hold. “To love one of your subjects as a Mother would love a child, I abhor monarchy but you appear to be doing a good enough job.” Once Loki was free he looked up at Thor. “What happened to me? Why would I do something like that to myself?” He asked. “You seem to know me better than the others. What would make me erase my memories?”

Thor looks away. “I will tell you later how I think you came to be on Midgard.”

“Why not tell me now!” Loki asked angrily.

“Because you are shaking.” Thor said as he looked at Loki.

Loki looked down at himself and frowned. He was shivering. It must be from the stress of all that had happened.

“Don’t distract me.” Loki said as he looked up.

“Why would I tell you? You have only disregarded and disbelieved everything I’ve said.”

“Because I know I’m not a God!”

“Because you locked away your own memory!” Thor fired back. “If only you hadn’t done that in the first place! Everything would be fine!”

“There’s no way for you to prove that I even had the memories in the first place!”

“Boys.” Frigga interjected. “Stop yelling.”

Both of them quiet down and back off. Authority is rolling off of Frigga in waves. And Loki feels compelled once again, to listen to her.

“Thor, Loki does not remember sealing away his memories. So being angry with him is tantamount to being angry with a wall for existing. It happened and we must move forward. Loki, you cannot expect Thor to keep answering your questions if you keep disregarding them. Even he has limits.”

“But how am I supposed to believe him?” Loki asked angrily. “I don’t know him! Or you! All I know is that you think you’re Gods and better than other people. And my whole life I’ve not believed in a God, and now I have to see you as Gods? I don’t think so. So far you’ve only weaved a fanciful tale to me. I want real evidence and until you can show me then I won’t listen to you.”

Thor opened his mouth to probably spout something angry. But Frigga held up a hand.

“Give me your hand.” She said.

Loki extends a hand out to her and she takes it. Holding his hand palm up. “Now, repeat after me, _accendere manus.”_

Loki says the words and before his eyes a bloom of the green seidr from before appears and takes the form of a small flame above his hand. Frigga lets go of his hands and the flame remains. Loki stares at it in shock. He has never seen anything like it. A fire, but a green one. And able to hover above his hand without harming him.

“What is this?”

“This is your seidr.” Frigga explained. “You have always had an affinity for fire and ice. It is an advanced spell, but one you loved before you lost your memories.”

Loki moves his hand up and the flame remains. How wonderful. Loki touches it with his other hand and the little flame engulfs his finger, but doesn’t burn him. It feels tingly around his finger, but embraces it like a friend.

“You don’t have to believe in Gods to believe in us.” Frigga whispers. “We are not Gods. Once, the Midgardians did worship us. But no longer. We are Asgardian not Gods.”

“Can I use this seidr to do other things?” Loki asked as he closed his hand into a fist and the flame dispersed.

“You can do all sorts of things with it.” Thor added. “You are one of the most talented seidr mages in the nine realms.”

“So why can’t I use it?”

“Because you can’t remember.” Frigga answered. “It will take a long time before you can gain back the knowledge you lost. But we can restart your lessons.”

Loki shook his head and leaned back. Away from them. “I can’t do that. I have to go back. I have a class to teach and a job. I don’t have time to play pretend at being a God here.”

Frigga’s face has such a sadness in it. “But you just arrived.” She said quietly. “I never thought I would see you again, you can’t leave.”

Loki has never met anyone in his entire life on Earth who has talked to him like that. It feels so maternal and comforting. A part of him wants to stay here with her. But he knows that it wouldn’t be right. He has no idea what their relationship was previously, and the concern she feels for him is only for her supposed subject. To exploit that would be wrong.

“I have to.” Loki said. “I have never lived in this place before. To do so now would be wrong.”

“We can go back.” Thor said with a defeated sigh.

They all stood up and before Loki could walk out of the room Frigga had wrapped him in a hug and was squeezing him. Loki just blinked and returned the hug. Not knowing if he was allowed to touch the Queen.

She let him go and looked at Thor. “Keep him safe.” She set a hand on Thor’s shoulder. A great deal less affectionate, considering Thor was her son. Loki had figured it out, but for some reason they wanted Loki to be unaware of that fact. So he let it go.

Frigga let them leave and Loki swore she looked like she was going to cry. He didn’t like it, but he couldn’t think of why she was crying. Was Loki’s apparent forgetfulness that upsetting?

He wanted to ask Thor, but Thor had steeled his shoulders and was walking them back to the room where they came through the rainbow bridge. Thor’s face looked like he didn’t want a discussion right now. So Loki let it be.

“Please put us where we were.” Thor said to Heimdall.

Heimdall nodded and together they stepped onto the bridge.

They landed back in the field and Loki had to close his eyes and try his hardest not to empty his stomach, and Thor just rubbed Loki’s back.

Once Loki was settled he looked up at Thor.

Thor looked down at him.

There was a weird tension between them then, and Loki wasn’t sure about what it meant. They hadn’t had it before.

“You know Thor, since me remembering anything seems so far-fetched, you don’t have to stick around. I’ve been doing just fine, and it’ll be alright if you just want to go back to the Avengers. You don’t have to worry about me.”

Thor’s large hand reached up and set on the back of his neck. Spreading its warmth.

“Thank you for the sentiment.” Thor said with half a smirk. Like it was a joke between them. “But I’m not giving up on you. I don’t care if you never remember anything, I’ve finally found you. I’m not going to leave you alone.”

“But why?” Loki asked. “It has to be maddening, trying to convince someone like me that I’m a God like you.”

“Because I love you.” Thor said as he maintained eye contact.

Loki blinked. And stared at Thor again.

That was unexpected.


	5. Atheist vs Evidence

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is body horror in this chapter.

Sometimes people say things in the heat of the moment. And you can’t give any merit to what they said.

That is how Loki chose to deal with the fact that Thor just said that he loves him.

Because he said it with too much heat to be platonic, but if it gets out that Loki turned Thor gay then all hell will rain down on Loki.

So Loki just takes a step back and says, “Take me home. I went to Asgard. I met the Queen. I did as you asked. Now I want to go home. I have papers to grade and I’m done pandering to you.”

Thor nodded. “Very well Loki.” He said.

It’s anti-climactic but Thor returns Loki to his little apartment. He stood awkwardly outside the building.

“I’ll be back to see you.” Thor said quietly.

“You don’t have to rush.” Loki said.

But Thor did rush. And before the week was out Loki stepped outside and saw Thor loitering around outside.

“What are you doing?” Loki asked sharply.

“I was waiting for you.” Thor said innocently. “The doorman wouldn’t let me in. And I wanted to see you.”

Thor’s words made Loki’s stomach flip for some reason, but more pressing was the fact that Thor was loitering. “Get in here.” Loki grabbed him and pulled him in the door. “Before someone with a camera phone takes your picture.”

“I don’t think anyone would do that.” Thor said dumbly.

“You’re blind then.” Loki said. Because all six feet of the guy and his rippling muscles were distracting, add the fact that he’s a superhuman and it’ll draw attention. And Loki doesn’t want attention drawn to him.

“I can see just fine.” Thor said with a smile.

Loki reached his apartment, unlocked the door and pushed Thor inside.

Thor looked around curiously. “I like your lodgings.” He said.

“Why are you here?”

“I wanted to see you.” Thor said. “And I wanted to ask if you wished to have Bruce Banner x-ray you? Maybe he can discover a way to recover your memory.”

Loki sighed. “You’re still on that? Honestly man, if I haven’t ‘remembered’ by now I’m probably not going to.”

“But Dr. Banner just wants to help you.” Thor said.

“I understand. But I don’t want to waste his time. And he isn’t going to find anything out.”

“You won’t be wasting his time! He promised that it wouldn’t take long.”

“No. I’m busy anyway.” Loki said. “I have to get groceries and then I have to finish grading quizzes and I don’t have time to take x-rays.”

“What if I went grocery shopping for you?” Thor asked quickly.

Loki raised an eyebrow. “You know how to grocery shop?”

“Hawkeye took me. I know what I am doing. Just give me a list. And while I’m doing that, you can get x-rays from Dr. Banner.”

And then Thor made a pouty face. That wasn’t fair. Thor was already a good looking guy, making that face made Loki’s heart have feelings.

Loki lasted two minutes before he gave in.

“Fine!” He said with exasperation. “But you had better get everything I want.”

“I intend on it. I shall win on this mission, as I have won countless times before. I swear upon my life, Loki, I will get you what you need.”

Loki rolled his eyes at the melodrama. Shopping for spinach and carrots could hardly qualify as a ‘mission’.

Loki grabbed his wallet and then Thor grabbed him, and they flew to the tower.

Once they had landed Loki pushed Thor away from him. “We could have taken a taxi!” He yelled.

Thor just brushed it off. “It is easier to fly.”

Loki started walking inside and Thor followed. Until Loki reached into his pocket and found his folded grocery list. “Here you go!” He said sharply. “That’s what I need. Go get it. And when you get back we’ll see that x-rays were a waste of time.”

“Aye!” Thor said and then he took off.

Loki couldn’t help the smile he felt when he watched Thor fly away. When one wasn’t hanging onto him for dear life, it was fun to watch him fly around.

Loki let himself inside and he pushed the button for Bruce’s lab in the elevator.

When he steps out he finds Bruce stooped over a microscope. The room is messy, but huge and across the room is a high tech MRI x-ray machine.

“Hello?” Loki asks as he steps in.

Bruce shoots up. “Loki!” He said.

“Yes.” Loki smiles. “Thor wanted you to x-ray me, but if you’re too busy I can leave.”

“No! No, please. I’d love to examine you. If what Thor said about your memory is true it would be fascinating to look at. If it’s true, then your memory cortex has to be much more developed than ours.” Bruce was walking circles around Loki, looking at his brain.

Loki laughed. “Then we should start. Although, I should warn you, I don’t think you’ll find anything.”

“That will be fine too.”

Bruce instructs Loki on how to climb into the machine, and the x-rays take about twenty minutes to complete. Loki tries not to fidget, and he can’t help thinking a small ‘what-if’ about it all. What if Bruce does discover something? And what if Thor is right? But Loki is prepared to be proven right and that this is all a sham.

There’s no way Loki is a God. How can someone who is a God, erase their own memories and then grow up not believing in Gods? No one does that.

Once the x-rays were over Bruce said that Loki could go sit upstairs until they were done.

So Loki shrugs and heads back up to their common floor.

No one was around so Loki flopped on the couch and had their artificial intelligence turn the television on. It’s Sunday though, so there aren’t too many quality programs on.

Loki sees Ancient Aliens on the History channel and keeps scrolling. He likes the show for its entertainment factor, but his life has gotten a little too ridiculous lately and a little too far-fetched like that show.

He turned it on the food network and watched the guy with the spiky white hair try a bunch of greasy food until Steve Rogers walks in the door.

“Hello Loki.” Steve said.

“Hello Steve.” Loki looks him up and down. Steve is in khaki pants and a dress shirt. He looks nice in an All-American way. Like an actual Captain America.

“Were you just at church?” Loki asks with a smirk.

Steve sighs and sits down next to Loki on the couch. “Yes I was. Please don’t berate me, I know you’re an Atheist.”

Loki laughed. “I’m not going to attack you. I was just going to ask, are you a Catholic?”

Steve nodded. “Born and bred.”

“How can you say that?” Loki asked.

“What do you mean?”

“How can you just accept the Catholic faith? Haven’t you thought at least once, ‘hey this seems odd. I’m going to look into it.’”

“No.” Steve said with a frown. “You see, faith is not supposed to be like science. It’s something you’re supposed to believe in. I don’t really expect you to understand. You’ve never believed in anything before.”

Loki licked his lips and thought it over. He hadn’t really believed in anything. He believed in evolution, and the big bang, and in himself. But those were tangible. Religion was different. It was a way of thinking, and Loki had never liked it when people told him how to think.

“You know that the Roman Catholic Church has a bad reputation?” Loki asked.

“People make mistakes.” Steve said.

Loki is about to open his mouth and go on a rant about how the Catholic Church sexually abused and assaulted so many children, and how their view and treatment of women is hurting the world, but before Loki could start Bruce poked his head in the room and said, “Loki?”

“We can continue this later.” Steve said. “Me and my Bible versus you and your brain.”

Loki pointed at him. “You’re on.” He said.

Loki turned to Bruce and saw that he was making a strange face. “Is everything alright?” Loki asked.

“Yes of course. I just think you need to see the x-rays.”

A bolt of anticipation shoots down Loki’s spine. What has the good doctor found?

Once they are alone on the elevator Bruce speaks.

“Have you been x-rayed before?”

“No.” Loki said. “I was always healthy and careful. I never needed doctors or hospitals.”

Bruce nodded. “I see.” He said. “Well, the results were strange. Come look.”

The x-rays are three dimensional projections, and at first Loki makes little sense of them. He sees the outline of his body, and organs inside. Hardly anything to worry about.

“I looked at your brain first.” Bruce began. And he pulled up a 3D projection of just the brain. “And it’s remarkable. Like I thought, your brain is different from ours.”

“In what way?” Loki looked at it and it looked like a normal human brain.

“I did a neuro-scan, and your language and memory centers were firing at a rate I’ve never seen in a human. The lights in those parts of your brain almost never stopped, which means that you can process words and languages at a rate that nothing else on Earth can. It’s groundbreaking.”

Loki watched as the scan played out, and sure enough two parts of his brain were firing off at an alarming speed. But the rest of the brain was nothing to scoff at, it was firing faster than what Loki had seen before.

“Your brain is much more advanced than a human’s.” Bruce said. “And it lends credibility to the thought that you’re not human. Look at your memory cortex, it’s so efficient. It can obviously hold the memories of several life times in it. If you did lose your memories, they’re in there somewhere.”

Bruce continued, “I didn’t see any sign of head trauma or any outward sign for why you lost your memories though. It’s strange.”

“Hmm. Well that’s all interesting.” Loki said. His heart was beating with the implications of it.

“I’m not actually done.” Bruce said.

Loki raised an eyebrow. “What else did you find?”

“I looked at your entire body, and I found some weird stuff.”

Bruce pulls up the whole body projection, and then focuses on Loki’s chest.

“Your heart is in the same place as a human heart would be. That is, in your chest cavity between your lungs. Which doesn’t add up. Because Thor’s is in his abdomen and he said that his people all have their hearts there. But yours isn’t.”

Loki frowned and stepped forward. His heart also didn’t look like a human heart. It’s a little horrifying, looking at the abnormally shaped thing on the x-ray and knowing that the real thing is beating away in his chest.

“Your heart also has six chambers.” Bruce said. And then he zoomed in on the heart and made the hologram of it beat.

Loki’s stomach rolled as he watched the thing beat. “Six? But no animal on earth has six chambers,”

“It’s odd.” Bruce said. “But your heart has two more chambers than a human’s. In fact, it has more chambers than most mammals on Earth.”

“But does Thor have four chambers?”

“Yes.”

Loki looks at the beating heart in horror. What is wrong with him? How has he come to have such a deformed heart?

“It is nothing to be too concerned about.” Bruce said. “Your heart appears healthy. And I wouldn’t worry about it too much. It just means that you get better circulation than anyone else.”

Loki finds himself nodding. His legs feel weak.

“And then I noticed something about your skull.”

Loki looks and the diagram changes to his skull.

“This one is less odd, but the part of your skull covering your frontal cortex is thicker than the rest of your skull. And it’s only thick like that in two circular places.”

Loki looks and notices that he’s right.

“What does it mean?” Loki asked. His hands coming up to rub right at his hairline. The two circles are under his skin, but they are so minuscule that he can’t feel them.

“Honestly, like the heart, I don’t know.” Bruce Banner said. “To me, it looks like horns.”

Loki steps back. _Horns?_

Bruce reaches out to steady Loki. “It’s nothing to be concerned about.”

“I think I need to sit down.” Loki murmured.

“Let’s look at the last thing I noticed.” Bruce said.

Loki looks at him with wide eyes. “Very well.” Loki swallowed.

“You have a uterus.”

Loki just blinks. Did he hear that right?

And then Bruce pulls the x-ray until they are looking at Loki’s pelvic area. And sure enough, there nestled between the urinary and digestive systems is a triangle.

“What?” Loki murmured in horror as he looked at the obvious uterus in front of him. “That can’t be! I would know about it! I would get a period!”

“Well, from what I can tell you have fully developed ovaries. Your uterus appears to be fine, and uh fertile.” Bruce said. “But the lower part of it, the vagina-“

“I know what a vagina is!” Loki said sharply. He feels a tear drop out of his eye. What kind of freak is he?

“Ah yes, sorry, your vagina is closed off. Like your body closed off your uterus.”

“Why? How?” Loki asked unintelligently as he looked at it. Then he looked down at his own hips. How long has there been a uterus in there?

“My best guess is that your own body sealed it away. Your hips are so narrow that child birth would be dangerous for you. You would need close medical supervision throughout most of your pregnancy because of how small your birth canal is. Plus your male parts are taking up space, quite honestly I’ve never seen anything like you.”

Loki started backing away until he found a trash can and then he leaned over and heaved his guts into it. He can’t think, what does it mean? He has a uterus and a six chambered heart and _horns_ and none of it makes sense, what is he?

Bruce was rubbing Loki’s back. “Hey, it’s okay.” He was murmuring. “It will be okay, I promise.”

“You try to handle the thought that you’re a freak!” Loki said as more tears fell.

Bruce sighed. “I know how it feels.” He said quietly. “But trust me on this, I would happily trade places with you. You can make life, your brain is able to think so much faster than mine, I would love to be able to do all that. But instead I just destroy things.”

Loki’s scrunched his eyes. He had forgotten about the Hulk. “My apologies Doctor.” Loki said. “I must seem pathetic.”

Bruce smiled. “Your whole perception of yourself just changed. It’s okay to freak out. We’ll figure it out I promise. Maybe Thor will know why your body is so different.”

Loki nodded. “I can’t wait to see what Thor thinks about this.”


	6. What will my reflection show?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this is a bit late, I'm between birthday celebrations this weekend. :)

Loki took a few minutes to calm him down. Banner offered him tea, and Loki respectfully declined. He felt like if he ate or drank anything he would immediately throw it up.

When Loki felt calmer he went upstairs with Banner.

“Is Thor back?” Loki asked Steve calmly.

Steve took one look at Loki’s pale face and called, “Thor!”

“Yes Steven?” Thor said as he walked into the room.

But then he too saw Loki’s pale face and his shivery form.

“Loki?” Thor was instantly at Loki’s side. Holding his upper arms and looking into his eyes. “What is wrong?”

Loki was silent.

“We found some abnormalities on the x-ray.” Banner sent a pointed look at Steve. “We need to discuss this in private.”

Steve took one wide eyed glance at them before he was excusing himself and leaving.

“What is it?” Thor asked in a hysteric voice.

“I—“ Loki started before he closed his eyes and looked away. “I am not a human.”

Thor’s eyes were wide. “You aren’t.” He said quietly.

Loki nodded. “What am I Thor?” He asked in a very quiet voice. “My brain is stronger than a human’s, my heart has six chambers, I have horns, and I have a uterus.”

Loki had to cover his mouth and look away when he said the last word. _Uterus._ He had one. He could give birth to someone. He wasn’t even a ‘he’ anymore. He was a freak.

“You are intersexed.” Thor said. “And it is completely normal for a Frost Giant.”

Loki closed his eyes and held his head. “And what, is a Frost Giant?”

“It is a being native to Jotunheim. You are from that realm, not Asgard.”

Loki looked at Thor then. His mind swirling with questions. “If I am not from Asgard, then why did Asgard’s Queen know me?”

“You grew up on Asgard. You only found out your heritage recently, as it had been kept a secret before. I did not want to tell you too early for fear you would dismiss me even faster. But the form you hold now is not your true appearance.”

Loki looked down at himself. “What do I look like then?”

“Frost Giants have blue skin and red eyes. Enchantments from Odin keep you in your current state. And it is fine, either way you look you are loved.”

Loki massaged his head. “This is madness.” He murmured.

Thor stretched a hand out and set it on Loki’s thigh. The heat of it burned through the fabric of Loki’s pant and warmed his skin.

Loki looked into his genuine blue eyes.

“There is no reason to fear being a Frost Giant.” Thor said seriously. “I will always love you no matter what form you take. Even if you disbelieve everything else I have told you, please remember that I will always love you.”

Loki had a sense of recognition. There. There was something familiar to this.

Loki turned his head and looked into Thor’s face.

It almost seemed like Thor was talking to the Loki he knew, and not the one sitting in front of him. Was this something Thor was repeating to him?

“What does it all mean?” Loki asked. “Why would I be in Asgard, if I’m not Asgardian? How did I get to be _here?_ You have to know what you propose is flawed and hard to believe? How can I believe what you say? You could be exploiting me!”

“I would never hurt you. I have spent a thousand years protecting you Loki. This will be no different.” Thor said. “I love you.”

“Did I know before?” Loki asks. Did he know before he erased the memories, even if he didn’t completely believe that he had done that to himself?

“You did.” Thor said.

“I just don’t understand.” Loki admitted in the quiet of the room. “Why would I do that to myself? How do you really know me? What am I?”

“You are Loki.” Thor said. He took Loki’s hands in his and looked him in the eye. “All will be well. I promise.”

“If I am the God of Mischief, then why do you care about me?” Loki asked. “You should be happy to be rid of me.”

“I’ve spent years looking for you.” Thor said quietly. “I’ll follow you anywhere. Like I promised when we were children.”

And then Thor wrapped his arms around Loki and held him in a hug. And Loki felt himself sighing and leaning into Thor’s bulk. It felt nice to be held.

“But why would you love a freak?” Loki asked.

“Because you are not a freak. You are my br- my beloved.” Thor said.

Loki was still too overwhelmed to notice the correction. What did all this mean? Did it mean that Thor was right? Was Loki really the God of myth?

The implications swirled, but Loki couldn’t ponder them for long as the door opened and Banner and Steve stepped in.

“Thor! Someone is coming through the bi-frost.” They said.

Thor’s arms tightened around Loki for just a second. He held Loki closer and pressed his lips against Loki’s neck, just a faint chaste kiss that sent shivers down Loki’s back. Then he stood up and went to the window.

“I would receive warning from Heimdall if it were an expected visitor.” Thor said.

Loki was still sitting but he stood up and went to the window. Trying his hardest not the think about the fact that Thor kissed him. “Do you think it will be dangerous?” Loki asked.

“I am afraid so.” Thor said quietly. He turned to Loki. “You must stay here.”

Loki raised an eyebrow. “I don’t think you get to say that to me.” He said.

“Please Loki.” Thor said.

“Thor, there’s two people.” Steve said. He had a phone up to his ear. “Two women. Dark hair on one, light hair on the other. Blonde is in green.” He looked at Thor. “Does that ring a bell?”

Thor’s intake of air was quick. “Indeed. They are sorceresses from Asgard.” He said. “Karnilla and Amora. It is not a good sign that they are working together.”

“Have they worked together before?” Loki asked.

“Aye. They tried to start a revolution and overthrow Odin All-Father. They are responsible for many deaths and much mayhem.” Thor said. “I have my own reasons to hate them.”

Thor’s voice was dark and angry when he talked about them. “Did they know me too?” Loki asked.

Thor faced Loki then. “They did. And for as powerful as they were, they were never able to beat you.” He said. “You needn’t fear them.”

“Except for the fact that I can’t use magic.” Loki reminded him.

“That is why you must stay here. I know not what they want, but if they have escaped prison then it cannot be good.” Thor said. “Steven, I fear that we must assemble.”

Steve nodded and left.

Loki grabbed Thor’s arm. “So you’re just going to go fight them, and I have to wait here.” He said.

Thor nodded and took Loki’s hand in his. “You cannot face them. It is far too dangerous.” Thor said. “I cannot bear to see you hurt again. Please stay here until it is safe.”

“But it’s not fair!” Loki said. “Why should I have to stay here, you’re not a magician! It won’t be safe for you to right them either!”

“I am an Avenger. I promised to protect this realm. And I must do so. Especially when you are a part of it. You don’t remember, but I promised to always protect you. And I intend to keep that promise.”

“But Thor!” Loki said quietly.

“I will return.” Thor said. “And we can have honey cakes. They’re your favorite.”

Loki laughed wetly. And realized that he was crying. What was wrong with him? He shouldn’t care if Thor was marching off to his death, he barely knew the guy!

Thor brushed Loki’s tears away. “All will be well.” Thor said. “I promise.”

And then Thor leaned down and pressed his lips against Loki’s. Loki closed his eyes and returned the kiss, one of his hands going to tangle in Thor’s hair.

Thor’s hands went to Loki’s hips and rested over the sharp bones as he gently pulled Loki closer. His huge hands were warm and large and somewhat comforting.

Thor had just deepened the kiss when Clint walked in.

“I hate to interrupt, but we need you out there big guy.” Clint said and then he was gone.

They separated and Thor looked at Loki. “I love you.” He murmured.

Loki reluctantly let Thor go. Unable to figure out where the fear that Thor would be hurt was emanating from. Why did it matter so much if Thor were hurt?

Thor told Loki to be safe, and that he would be back soon. And Loki nodded. Trying to contain himself until Thor left.

Loki watched Thor go with a heavy heart.

Once he was alone in the tower Loki went into the bathroom. He put his shaky hands under the sink faucet and let warm water wash over them. This was all insane. Loki had just made out with Thor, and he had a uterus and was definitely not human. And Thor called him a _frost giant_ and what did that mean?

But above it all Loki was wondering why he would do this to himself. Why would he erase his own memories? Wouldn’t that just cause problems? Why wasn’t he thinking about the future at all?

Loki was looking down at the sink and his knuckles were white where they were holding onto the edge. Who was he? And why would he do this?

Loki looked up into the mirror and his eyes opened in shock.

His reflection was different.

But it was also… the same.

The person standing in the mirror was definitely him. But it was a him with a different outfit on.

Loki blinked as he looked at the alien reflection. He had longer hair, and the clothing was something Loki thought he would see in a fantasy movie. It was gold and green and had a lot of leather and layers. It looked to be very high quality though.

But the face. The face in the mirror was his. There was no doubt about it. The only difference was the eyes, the Loki in the mirror had deeper set eyes. He seemed older than him. Wiser.

The look on the other Loki’s face was one Loki knew well. His reflection looked haughty and mischievous. Like he knew everything. No matter the outcome of any situation, he was ready. Because he had prepared for it in advance and nothing could stop him.

Loki himself had made that face before. When he was debating creationists and knew that his next point would obliterate their debate completely. When he knew that he was right and would most likely make someone squirm and a few people cry.

This was him. But different.

Loki was struck with a thought. Was this the other him?

He looked into his reflection’s eyes and the other Loki cocked his head almost fondly at him. Like he was mocking him. This person seemed extremely powerful, and Loki was starting to understand why Thor had loved him.

The reflection must have sensed that he was thinking about Thor because his face turned fond. He smiled at Loki and extended his hand to the glass.

Loki reached his own hand out and touched the glass right at the same spot as the reflection. And before his very eyes, a mixture of the green ‘seidr’ from before and ice spread out onto the glass. Loki removed his finger and it stopped.

The other Loki was smirking at him again. But this time it seemed more fond than mischievous.

A voice spoke into Loki’s mind then.

_Go save him._


	7. Someday... I'll figure all this out.

Loki wasn’t sure how he could help Thor. But whoever that was in the mirror was him and meant business.

Loki picked up one of Stark’s bulletproof vests before he left, hoping that it would protect him a little but knowing at the same time that he was going up against sorceresses and that bullets would be useless in the fight.

Loki hated this. He hated the fact that he was going into a battle where magic was a fucking weapon. Missiles? Disarmable. Drones? You can shoot them down. Guns? Vests and other materials stop bullets. But magic? Loki has no idea how to protect himself or the people of New York from magic.

Loki may not believe in a God. But he believes in people. And he isn’t going to sit around while some alien women come to wreak havoc on _his_ city.

The action was not hard to find.

Great explosions of light were a few streets over and Iron Man was sent flying by something.

“Thor! I can’t get a visual!” Steve was yelling as he herded civilians away. “Can you see them?”

“Nay Captain! I cannot!” Thor yelled back.

Loki frowned. Because he was pretty sure that he could see two women, one was in green and one was in purple and they were firing off beams of colored light which were destroying stuff. Were the Avengers blind?

“I can triangulate their location based on the bursts, but I can’t be precise.” Loki heard through Steve’s communicator.

“Steve!” Loki yelled.

Steve turned. “Loki! You’re supposed to be at the tower! What are you doing here?”

“That doesn’t matter.” Loki said a bit breathlessly. He and Steve were standing together while crowds of people rushed by. “You’re targets are right there.” And Loki pointed at the spot where the women were.

“There’s nothing there.” Steve said.

Loki wanted to shake Captain America. “I would not lie about this! They are right there!”

Steve frowned at Loki. But then he took his shield off and threw it at the spot.

It hit the woman in green, and she retaliated quickly. Loki and Steve both ducked behind a car while she sent a wave of magic their way.

“See?” Loki asked.

“How can you see them and I can’t?” Steve asked.

“I do not know. Now let’s get back to work. We have a city to save, do we not?”

“Hop on my back.” Steve said.

“Why?” Loki asked with a cringe. “I can walk just fine.”

“This way I can outrun them if they fire at us. I need you to tell me where they are, but I can’t let them hurt you.”

“How moral.” Loki muttered as he wrapped himself around Steve’s back.

Loki directed Steve for a little while, and they managed to knock one of the women over. But then they caught sight of Loki.

“Oh Damn!” The one in purple said. “Loki’s here!”

The one in green stopped and smiled at him. “Hello Loki. How are you my Dear? It really has been too long.” She walked slowly towards him and Steve.

“She’s getting closer, you might want to run.” Loki whispered to Steve.

“I guess Death didn’t get you after all. Too bad. I know she can’t wait to see you.” The woman purred.

Something in Loki snapped.

He pushed himself off of Steve and stormed up to the woman.

“Are you telling me you believe in Hell and an underworld? You?! Who is powerful enough to launch an attack on us and threaten our city, believe in an afterlife?” He asked furiously.

“Of course I believe in it.” She looked confused. “You would know more than anyone. You put Hel there.”

Before Loki could respond she had reached out and grabbed his throat. “I thought you were dead. But it will be wonderful to experience killing you again.” She purred as she threw him into the concrete.

Loki tried to pry her fingers away, as she was really hindering his breathing. He was worried that she was going to break his neck, but before she could there was a clap of thunder and then she was gone.

Thor was standing above Loki in all his glory.

“Dispell it Amora!” Thor yelled. “Let me see you for the coward you are!”

Loki rubbed his neck, surprised that it only stung a little. But before he could stand up Thor had leaned down and grabbed him.

The Hulk and Iron Man were still dodging magic from the other sorceress, so only Steve, Hawkeye and Thor were against this one.

“I told you to stay at the tower.” Thor growled to Loki.

Hearing Thor growl like that sent a weird jolt down Loki’s spine that he really didn’t have time to think about now. “I couldn’t just sit there!” Loki argued.

Loki tried to step away from Thor but his arm was like a steel beam, holding Loki in place. “Let me go.” Loki all but whined.

“No. Not when you could be hurt.” Thor said as he readied himself for an attack.

“She’s right there Thor!” Loki yelled.

Thor shot a beam of lighting at the spot Loki pointed at, and sure enough the woman, _Amora_ jumped away.

“How sweet, Thor is protecting Loki. It’s just like old times.” Amora taunted.

“I’m glad I forgot about her.” Loki said as Thor jumped to avoid a stream of her magic. “She seems terrible.”

“She is.” Thor said.

When Amora began sending off faster and faster attacks, Thor had to set Loki down in order to deflect them and protect Loki.

Loki wished he had a little more than a bullet proof vest, but he couldn’t think of an alternative that would work.

Thor is yelling at Amora, asking why she is here, what she did to Asgard blah blah blah.

Loki was looking out for the other one when he saw her. She looked scarier and angrier than Amora, and Loki didn’t like her.

He especially didn’t like her when she leveled a blast of furious looking magic in Thor’s direction. Before Loki could really process what was happening he had run over and he let the magic hit him instead of Thor. He couldn't stomach the idea of Thor being hurt by the magic.

His last thought before flying backwards into a building were, _I hope Amora was lying about Hell—_

He expected to die. After all, he was just sent flying into a brick building.

But a few seconds later he opened his eyes and looked up into a ceiling. He blinked and looked at himself. He was whole, and not bleeding profusely. Maybe he had been sent through a window, because his head only hurt a little from the impact.

But when he leaned up it was bricks underneath him that shifted. He moved his arms and legs. He was okay.

Loki had just been blown through a brick wall, and he was pretty much fine. The green seidr from before was crackling around his hands and then a voice spoke into his mind again.

_Praemittere ex manum._

What? Loki asked. But when he got up and looked outside he saw that all hell (excuse the judeo-christian language, he had just been shot through a wall) was breaking out in New York. The women had teamed up again and the Avengers still hadn’t seen them, and they were losing.

And Loki held up his own hand, which was still sparking with green energy and said the words.

“Praemittere ex manum.” He said quietly.

And the effect was the most beautiful thing Loki had ever seen. The green seidr exploded out of his hand and shot both of the women sending them flying. They were all but powerless in the face of his attack.

Thor’s words echoed in Loki’s mind, _“You’re stronger than both of them.”_ And Loki believed him.


	8. Revolutionaries and 'Self' Help

Smoke plumed from Loki’s palm. But it didn’t hurt. In fact, it was almost tingling after firing the ‘seidr’ at those women.

 _Amora and Karnilla would never match him in skill._ Was the thought that popped into Loki’s head.

Except that Loki didn’t know who Karnilla was.

Loki took a step backward and touched his head as an image flashed through his mind. _He was next to a fountain, and the water was turning to ice, it was out of his control. But Karnilla helped him stop it, she laughed at him, calling him a ‘jotunn’._

“Are you alright?” A new voice called from above. Loki’s revelry ended and he looked up at a spandex clad youth.

“That’s debatable.” Loki said. “What are you?” He asked with interest.

“I’m Spiderman!” The kid said as he landed next to Loki. “I’m here to respond to a threat.”

They both looked to where the Avengers were back in battle. Thor was looking for him though, quite frantically. Loki waved, trying to signify that he was fine.

“I have spider powers. Pretty cool during an evil villain takeover. What are your powers?”

“Mostly reason.” Loki said as he dusted himself off. “Although I may or may not be a God.”

“Huh.” Spiderman said. “Can’t say I’ve met any of them.”

Loki was about to fire off something about Tony Stark’s ego when there was a sharp pain in his head and a sense of foreboding. _What the Hell?_ He thought as he scratched his head.

But _something_ told him there was danger nearby. Above them.

“Could you get me atop a building perchance?” Loki asked politely.

“Can’t you use your God powers?”

“I’m a Norse God, not the Islamic one. No flying horses for me sadly.” Loki said.

“Oh.” Spiderman said. “Which building?”

Loki guessed that the youth was probably in shock. After all, two evil witches don’t show up and tear the city apart every day. But if Loki’s hunch was correct, then someone more dangerous was on the way.

“I’ll direct you. It’s nearby.”

Loki and Spiderman stepped outside and took off on a web right as Thor showed up. Loki flashed him a brilliant smile and said, “Take care of Amora and Karnilla for me!”

Thor did not look pleased. But Amora attacked him before he could take off after them.

Spiderman sang as they swung through the streets, a coping mechanism Loki was sure. He couldn’t blame the boy. He was still in shock himself. He had woman’s parts, magical powers and someone else’s memories stirring in his head. He would need to take a week off after this.

“Over there.” Loki pointed.

They landed and looked around.

“Are you sure this is the right place?” Spiderman asked.

“Not entirely.”

But right as Loki muttered the ‘y’ the sky above them swirled and they both backed away.

“Is a drone going to fly out of there?”

“Close but no cigar.” Loki said. “The God of Drones is on his way, you could say.”

Drones were used in war after all.

The heavens opened up and the Norse God of War Tyr descended onto the rooftop in front of them. Loki was glad that the mindfuckingly freaky premonitions were true.

Even if they resulted in an angry buff guy who looked like he could kill both of them in one swipe glaring at them.

“Tyr.” Loki said. The word rolling off his tongue easily, another thing he was choosing to ignore.

“Loki.” Tyr said as he crossed his arms and popped his neck. His gray eyes looked Loki over from head to toe. He laughed. “It looks like life in Midgard suits you.”

Loki glared. “It was peaceful.”

“You know what else is peaceful? Death.” Tyr said with a smirk.

“I don’t like him.” Spiderman whispered.

“I think I agree.” Loki whispered back. “If you want to flee you can. I won’t blame you.”

“I can’t leave you up here with the crazy guy! He has an axe.”

Loki rolled his eyes. Amora and Karnilla had potentially infinite abilities with their magic. Yet Spiderman was worried about Tyr’s axe. Loki liked him.

“Why are you here?” Loki asked as he tried to take a threatening stance. If everyone was right about him and the God of Mischief being the same, then shouldn’t they be scared of him? He was the God of chaos and mischief. Both were pretty scary.

“To finish the job and kill you and Thor. And then we’ll go back to Asgard and kill Odin and end the monarchy.” Tyr said. “The reign of the All-Father has been long and we tire of his tyranny. We shall govern Asgard in our way.”

Loki blinked. The three of them were radical revolutionaries. Now that Loki thought about it, Thor had talked about how there was a revolution. They were tired of their King, and wanted something else.

Loki felt… Torn.

On one hand, he hated monarchy. That was why he hadn’t moved to England, even though they were vastly more secular than America. At least here the people were partly responsible for who led them. And the idea that Odin ruled only because he had a certain person’s blood running through him, and then Thor taking over only because he had been born to Odin was appalling. The people should have a choice in who leads them. Rome was a tantamount example of this with their mostly troubling Julio-Claudian dynasty.

But yet if what Amora said was true, then these people had tried to kill him before. He knew people had to die during revolutions typically, they were not peaceful. But she had seemed to relish killing him.

He wanted the Asgardians to have democracy if they wanted. But these three did not seem fit for the job.

“Sounds like a dictator to me.” Spiderman shrugged.

“Quiet yourself Mortal. You are in the presence of Gods.”

“I don’t know if I would consider you a God.” Spiderman murmured while he stroked his mask. “Here on Earth we worship this one God, this real nice guy. He wouldn’t try to destroy our city like you.”

Loki decided that now was not the time to criticize Christianity. That would have to wait until he had saved his city. Even though everything Spiderman thought he knew about his God was wrong and flawed.

“You should go back to Asgard.” Loki said. “Killing me and Thor is not so important. Especially if we’re here, while you’re there.”

“But Loki. I have to kill the next two in the line of succession. If I don’t then the throne will fall to you.”

What. The. Hell.

How is Loki in line for the Asgardian throne if he is _not even from Asgard?_

He had been told in the past that he had regal stature. He had no idea how true it would turn out.

“Well it appears that you’re shit at killing me.” Loki said. He held his arms out. “Why not try again? And maybe you can actually try this time.”

And before Loki could even blink, Tyr had shoved Spiderman off the side of the roof, and then reached out, grabbed Loki’s neck and held him suspended over the city.

Loki’s stomach felt like it plummeted as he looked down at the street below him. It was all so small, so very far away. Surviving this fall would be a miracle, and Loki didn’t believe in those.

He grabbed onto Tyr’s hands and the other man just laughed.

Loki blinked, and the ground below them was different. It was galaxies and stars, a light filled distant sky. They were at the edge of the Bi-frost, and Loki was in the outfit he’d seen on the guy in the mirror. Tyr was holding him just like this, suspended over the bi-frost.

But how?

A memory. They had done this before.

Loki’s vision went dark, and he felt his hands weaken as he lost the ability to breathe. And blackness overcame his vision.

When Loki opened his eyes next he was basically suspended in space. There was a large vast of nothing around him, and he was alone. Did Tyr drop him? And did he die?

“You’re not dead.”

Loki turned his head and saw the himself from before. The man who had smirked at him in the mirror.

“Oh. It’s you.” Loki said as he stared at himself. The guy did look alarmingly similar to him. “Are you the reason that I don’t remember anything?”

The other Loki looked uncomfortable. “Yes.” He admitted. “I was a bit rash in erasing my memories. I’ll admit. But if I hadn’t done so you would never have existed.”

The other him sounded like some sort of fucked up parent. ‘I made a mistake, but it made you so it’s definitely not a mistake anymore.’

Loki rolled his eyes. “Stop acting like you have the moral high ground. And start explaining. Why did you do it?”

“I thought that I was going to die.” He said solemnly. “I fell, and I did not think I would survive. And instead of drifting through space indefinitely, regretting everything I decided to erase my memories so that death would be easier. I had no idea that I would wind up in Midgard.”

Loki blinked. “Are you telling me, that everyone thought that I was dead? _Including myself?”_

The other Loki laughed. “Indeed. I had so many happy memories, with Thor and Mother, and sad ones as well. And in the emptiness of space there was nothing to do except remember. And it was maddening. So I sealed them away. And somehow, afterward, I ended up on Earth.”

“Why would I believe you?” Loki asked. “This could be a long acid trip. That would explain the uterus.”

The other Loki raised his eyebrow in such a ‘Loki’ gesture that it hurt. “I assure you, the uterus is completely normal. And quite fun. Once I unseal your memories you’ll see how much fun your clitoris is.”

Okay. That was TMI. But there was another part of that statement that was troubling.

“You’re going to give me the memories? Does that mean that you’ll die?”

“I will stop to exist. That is correct. But I am you. I am a creation of your mind and the sealed away memories. But thinking of me as a separate person is not correct. You and I are the same. And once I give you the memories, we will be completely the same person.” The other Loki explained.

“Why didn’t you give them to me earlier?”

The other Loki smiled. “Well. As you Mortals are fond of saying, knowledge is power. You weren’t going to unlock any of the memories until you gained knowledge of yourself. The more you learned, the easier it became to feed them to you.”

“Okay.” Loki frowned. It didn’t make complete sense. But then again, Loki was sitting inside his mind with a past version of himself discussing a magical spell that had been used to seal away his memories. While his physical body was being held above New York in a strangulating hold by a mad-man who called himself the God of War. And distantly, Thor the God of Thunder was fighting with his friends the Avengers against two powerful sorceresses.

Reason and rationality were all Loki had at this point. And it was turning into a stretch to hold onto them.

A pale hand settled on his shoulder. He looked up into his own green eyes. They were almost affectionate, this close to him.

The other Loki’s face was in a half smile. “You know. I think I am proud of you. I have never known a Mortal to be as strong willed or as strong as you. You’re right about all of it. Gods and men, there is little difference. You’re on a good path, Loki of Midgard. But now it is time to be Loki of Jotunheim again.”

Loki wrapped his hands around the other’s wrist. “Are you sure?”

The other Loki nodded. “Take care of Thor for me?”

“Of course.”

And with one last smile the other Loki’s cold fingers pressed into his temple.

Loki only heard screaming for just a bit.


	9. I don't believe in sancity

He could barely make sense of the images that were flooding his mind. Years of them built up and showed a life he had no recollection of ever living.

But as the memories returned, he did remember it.

Loki had lived a thousand years next to Thor. So many memories returned of him and Thor together.

He had spent his youth in a golden castle with a golden prince, and he had been happy.

He had been very happy.

Frigga and Thor had always favored him, and he hadn’t seen it then, or even before the memory erasure but it was clear as day now. The one who had always held the greatest sway over Thor had been Loki. And likewise, the one who turned Loki into his most reactionary self was Thor.

He wasn’t Asgardian. But he was raised as an Asgardian Prince, only to find out he was Jotunn royalty.

Loki had claims to not one, but two thrones in distant worlds. Loki wondered if some sarcastic force of nature was laughing at him right now.

More than that, the rush of seidr through his veins and the knowledge of how to use it surfaced and he opened his eyes to his physical body with a smirk.

Tyr was giving him a malicious grin, which faltered when he saw the look on Loki’s face.

And before he could toss Loki to the ground of Midgard, Loki laid a hand gently on Tyr’s exposed wrist.

Tyr screamed from the pain of it, and tried to let Loki go, but with acrobatic finesse Loki swung himself and Tyr back to the center of the roof.

“What did you do to Peter?” Loki asked as he kicked Tyr, who was clawing at his freezer burnt skin.

“Probably dead!” Tyr said maliciously as he summoned his axe and swung at Loki.

It was easy enough to dodge. Though Loki’s body was sorely out of practice. It had spent the last few decades mostly reading and writing. Both pursuits he loved and had enjoyed.

Loki would look for Peter after he dealt with Tyr. This would be dangerous, and it would be better not to involve the youth.

While the Loki of old would not care for the life of a mortal, any mortal at all. He now did. He had a special affection for the youth, their tenacity and vivaciousness. He liked them, and he liked teaching them.

And living among them had been nice.

“So your plan was to kill me and Thor.” Loki said as he summoned his knives and hurled them at Tyr. “Then what? Storm Asgard with your sorceress army? Hardly the triumvirate I would support.”

Tyr didn’t manage to dodge them all. “You only support Thor! You’ve always been his little wife. Sif is manlier than you. Someone like you would never understand the need for real change. Especially when they’re in bed with the King.”

A memory image was summoned along with the word ‘bed’. In a second and a half Loki recalled several instances in which he and Thor had been in bed together. One in particular was Thor’s face between his legs licking a spot that was just _right_ and Loki moaning and swearing for all of Asgard to hear.

Loki almost blushed. His counterpart had been right about him enjoying his clitoris….

“I understand change well enough.” Loki defended himself as he dodged several of Tyr’s slow attacks. “I never liked your endless shed of innocent blood. Contrary to what you think, war is not always the answer.”

“And you have the answers? No one trusts you. Especially not with your silver tongue.” Tyr yelled.

Loki rolled his eyes. “You’re insufferable. Are those your best insults? I’ve received worse from angry students.” Loki laughed as he blasted Tyr with seidr.

Tyr fell backwards and rolled across the roof. Loki laughed maniacally as he stalked over.

“I think you should change your name to Pyrrhus of Epirus.” Loki said. “You keep fighting these battles. You challenge me, and then you challenge Thor. And all because _you_ want to be King. You want power and you want to use it to hurt Asgard and Jotunheim and Midgard! But you’ll never win. I also don’t agree with the notions of divine rule. Why is Odin King? I don’t know, nor do I particularly care at this point. He is not my King and he is not my Father anymore.”

By then Loki had reached him and Tyr jumped up and tried to stab Loki, luckily Tyr hadn’t seen the ice Loki had spread from his feet and he slipped.

“Yet now you threaten not just me, but my most dear person and Midgardians. They have no part in these wars of yours, but you want them dead. And unless you adopt one and raise it as your own if you become King, they’ll have no representation and no say.”

Tyr laughed. “Why should I care about that? It’s all about Asgard. Once I am King, I’ll have the weapons vault. Once I have it I can wage even greater wars. Jotunheim, Vanaheim, Nornheim, Alfheim, Muspelheim, even Midgard will all be obliterated and Asgard will rule as the complete power. And I will be King. Odin has been too soft. Ever since he stole you he’s been soft to those horned freaks.”

Self-consciously Loki thinks about the small protrusions on his skull. Only Frost Giants of noble birth and with certain seidr abilities grow horns. It is not right to shame them, for in Jotunheim horns are a sign of supremacy.

Tyr really is a low life bully.

Loki readies more seidr to blast at Tyr, but he moves too quickly and tackles Loki and they both fall off the building.

As gravity pulls them down to the ground, Loki shoves Tyr off him and turns into a bird in time to avoid the earth. Tyr is not so lucky and the crater he makes is fairly sizeable. It will be a great burden on the city to fix it.

Loki lands on the ground and turns back to himself. Stepping over to Tyr fearfully.

As he leans over to look into the crater Tyr launches himself out and wraps a hand around Loki’s throat with a roar.

Loki’s head is shoved into the concrete below him and he would cry out, except that his wind pipe is sealed. And Tyr is smart enough to keep his exposed skin away from Loki’s traveling hands.

Loki is about to knee him away, when someone else peels Tyr off of Loki with some sort of weapon.

Loki looks up from his spot on the ground and it is Frigga who is engaged with Tyr in combat. And doing a fine job of making Tyr look like a fool.

Loki has a second to think about how dangerous it is for his Mother to be here. Until he gets up himself and goes to join the fray, but a strong hand stops him.

Thunder clashes and Thor runs out and uses Mjolnir against Tyr.

Thor and Frigga do not often team up in battle. In fact, Loki can’t remember it ever happening before. He knew his Mother used to be a shield maiden, but has never seen her in battle. Odin must be daft, drugged or in his sleep to allow his wife to travel to Midgard and do battle against Tyr.

They make a good team though. And within moments Tyr has made a retreat, and once he is gone there is silence.

There is a ringing in Loki’s head that only gets louder as the silence settles.

Thor had gone after Tyr leaving Loki and Frigga alone.

She steps over various debris and helps Loki stand. “Are you well?” She asked as she touched the various bruises.

“I am. Thank you for helping me. Mother.”

Her face brightens and she pulls Loki into a hug. It has been long since they have been able to do this, and Loki hugs her back. He has missed her.

“How did you get Odin to allow you passage here? It is dangerous.” Loki asks.

She only laughs. “There is no force greater than a worried Mother. And I have been so worried for you.” She put her hand on the side of Loki’s face. “My poor baby.”

“I’m perfectly fine. Tyr’s sorrowful attempts at insults were worse than his attacks. Do you know where he has retreated to?”

“All of them have gone. I assume they are still on Midgard, because it takes a great amount of energy to travel between realms, and Heimdall has closed the bi-frost to everyone except the royal family.”

Loki hummed and mulled it over. The Avengers would need to go on alert. And Loki would need to help them once Tyr and the terrible two resurface.

Loki sighed and ran a hand through his hair. Everything was more complicated now.

“Do you want to return to Asgard? The Healers can help you.” Frigga asked as she took Loki’s hand in her own.

“Not yet. I am needed here. But I will return to Asgard sometime. I must formally abdicate from the line of succession. I have no need or use for a throne, and I will not inherit one.”

Frigga smiled at him. “I see.” She said. She looked like she had more to say about it, but now was not the time.

By then Thor had returned.

“I was unable to find Tyr’s whereabouts.” Thor reported. “But I do not think it will be long before the next attack.”

Frigga nodded. “It will be soon.”

Thor placed a hand on his Mother’s shoulder and smiled at her. Before turning his attention to Loki.

“What were you thinking?” Thor asked as he stepped into Loki’s space. “Confronting Tyr by yourself! That was so dangerous and colossally stupid!”

Loki just smirked at him and stepped forward into Thor’s space. “I thought you knew Thor.” Loki said.

“I do what I want.”

And Thor’s face fills with shock at the familiar words. “Loki—“ He said.

“I do think we have mortals to save. We should get to work.” Loki said as he clapped a hand on Thor’s shoulder.


	10. Or Hypocrisy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry the update is a little late. Life has been crazy on this end.

Loki found Peter helping some civilians out of a building. He was glad to see that Peter appeared otherwise unharmed.

It was a strange feeling. Normally Loki wouldn’t care for the safety or wellbeing of a ‘lesser’ being. But now, after living among them for a Midgardian lifetime he felt a connection to them.

While their lives were nothing but a speck, a dash of light compared to his sun of an existence, they were special.

And Tyr was damned if he thought that he could hurt them easily.

Loki went to help Peter move some of the rubble aside and noticed that he was lagging a bit. His body had not been active in almost three decades like this, and Loki felt a little weak. This would not do.

Loki’s knees shook as he tried to lift some of the collapsed building away, and before he could summon his magic the beam and mortar were lifted up and out of Loki’s hands.

He turned his head sharply to make sure the building wasn’t collapsing and instead found Thor next to him. Exerting almost no energy.

The look Thor gave him was indecipherable. But Loki didn’t take long to return it. Not when Peter ducked to go into the collapsed building and retrieve mortals. Peter stopped once Loki flung a hand in front of him. “I’ll go.” Loki said. “You stay here.”

Once they had finished making sure that they had saved as many mortals as they could Loki felt exhausted. His head hurt with all the returned memories, his body was sore from all the exertion and his heart was heavy with alien feelings.

Loki’s skin felt too tight. Like it was ill fitted for his body.

He had a lot to think about.

But yet he also had to worry about when Tyr and the others reared their ugly heads.

Once they were done Loki and the other Avengers all met up. Steve told them all to head back to the tower and get some rest. They would worry about the return of Tyr and the other two tomorrow.

Loki nodded and turned because he wanted to go home. And right now he didn’t really know where home was.

Was it in a golden palace in Asgard? Or was it in a frozen fortress in Jotunheim? Or was it in a high tower with a group of super powered mortals?

The only place Loki could think about returning to was his apartment. For it was a tiny little room, but it was in his room. It was cluttered with his beloved books, stocked full of coffee and tea and the bed was calling his name.

But before Loki could take a full step a hand wrapped gently around his wrist.

Loki looked up at Thor.

He swallowed and didn’t know what to say.

I’m sorry? I didn’t mean to forget you?

Loki simply tried to remove the hand. “I’m tired Thor. Let me be.”

“No.”

Loki felt like crying. “Please Thor.”

Thor’s hand only moved to hold his own. “Let me go with you.” Thor pleaded.

Loki looked down at where his pale hand was clutched in Thor’s golden fingers. How many times had they held hands? And oh, how he had missed it. “Okay.” Loki said.

Frigga took one look at them. Smiled and said that she would return to Asgard and to Odin. Midgard was safe enough with them.

Thor didn’t say anything as they walked back to Loki’s apartment. The silence filtered around them, heavy as a blanket. Only the cries from civilians and the soft whispers of settling dust punctured it.

Once they were inside Loki stripped off his shirt, horrified by the amount of blood on it. But when he looked into the mirror he didn’t see any cuts on himself and shrugged. He put some sweat pants and a comfy shirt on, tossing one of his biggest shirts at Thor. “You can change if you want.”

While Thor was washing up in the bathroom Loki started making some coffee in the kitchen. He was utterly exhausted and the thought of some sweet caffeine was too tempting.

Thor stepped out of the bathroom and looked odd without his armor. But he looked just as tired as Loki and plopped himself down on the love seat.

Loki hummed and handed him a cup of coffee.

They sat together in silence for a few minutes. The dead weight of fatigue settling behind Loki’s eyeballs.

“I thought that I would die.” Loki said after a while.

Thor faced him sharply. His mouth already open in question.

“When I was pushed, I thought that I would die in between the realms. And I was scared.” Loki said without looking at Thor. “I was alone and the silence was deafening, and all I could think about was you and Mother. I didn’t think I would live.”

Thor’s hand took his and Loki looked up at him.

“You should have let me fall.” Thor said. “It would have been better.”

“Better?” Loki laughed bitterly. “Leaving Asgard without a true heir? Leaving our Mother without a true son? Leaving everyone disappointed? It was better that it was me.”

“That’s not true!” Thor said angrily. “Mother grieved for you every day! I couldn’t bear to be in Asgard anymore, there were too many reminders. So I wound up here. Without you there is nothing holding me down to Asgard. The throne can burn for all I care. I love you.”

Loki set his cup down and massaged his forehead. “I’m not the same as I was.” He said.

Before Loki had been so jealous of Thor. For everything. Thor had _everything._ The throne, their Mother’s love, their Father’s approval, Asgard’s love, strength, beauty, all the women he wanted, and of course, Loki’s heart.

But now when Loki thought about all those things he just didn’t care. He didn’t want a throne. He had no desire for any approval for a madman like Odin.

And he had spent years here in Midgard without a Mother.

“I know you’re not the same.” Thor whispered as he put a hand on Loki’s forearm. “And I’m sorry. I’m sorry I let you fall, I’m sorry I couldn’t protect you.”

Loki thought about Thor. Why did he love him so much? What was it? Why had Thor woven himself so far into his heart that now it was impossible for Loki not to love him?

“I never thought that I would see you again.” Thor was saying with tears in his eyes. “I thought that I would have to live out the rest of my life without you. And I’m so sorry Loki. Sorry about everything.”

Loki took Thor’s hand and brought it up to his lips. Kissing the spot where Thor’s thumb and palm joined. And then he took Thor’s hand and held it against his own jaw. “I’m sorry too.” Loki said after a while. “It appears that I have a bit of flair for dramatics.”

Thor laughed weakly. “I love you.” Thor said seriously. His hand cupped Loki’s face gingerly. “I will do anything you ask. Be whatever you ask. If you want to live here, I will stay here with you. If you want to return to Asgard, I will go there. Please Loki, let me be with you.”

Loki pressed his face gently into Thor’s palm. “I don’t know where I will want to live. And I am tired. We have foes to defeat and a world to save.”

Loki stood up and offered Thor his hand. “Will you come to bed?” Loki asked.

Thor looked pensive. But then he took Loki’s hand.

“We can decide the future tomorrow. For now let’s sleep.” Loki said.

And for the first time in decades Loki slept with Thor beside him.


	11. Fiat Lux

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! I hope everyone enjoys this last chapter :)

Loki woke up before Thor and snuck out of the bed.

In his little kitchen he started making some tea with shaky hands. He sighed at his trembling fingers. He had gone too long without food.

He stuck a piece of bread in his mouth while he looked out the window. New York would need a lot of time to rebuild from this last attack. It was strange, before Loki had never been a part of the fighting. To think that he was such an integral part of the destruction was a little saddening.

He looked at his reflection in the glass of the window. He looked tired still, his hair was all crazy curls and his eyes had an old sadness to him.

Compared to his thousand year life time his almost thirty spent on Midgard were some of the happiest in his existence.

Loki had been very happy with Thor. But so bitter about Thor getting the throne. Bitter about Thor getting everything. It had been exhilarating to know he had Thor’s love, and to know that his place in Asgardian society had been secure.

An image flashes through Loki’s mind. A silver ring. Thor wanted to marry him.

How strange. Loki thought as he sipped his tea. He hadn’t thought that he and Thor were the marrying type. And why would Thor want to marry his brother when he could marry anyone else? He could have someone so much more eligible.

Loki set his tea cup down and went to his book shelf. In times like this Loki liked to turn to his favorite authors. Cicero was always nice when Loki was feeling indecisive. Marcus Tullius Cicero who always knew what was right and what was wrong. It was nice to read clear words from someone.

Loki laughed quietly to himself as he opened the book. It could be written in Latin for all Loki knew, the All Speak would have corrected it for him. No wonder he had been able to test out of his language requirements.

He opened the book to Cicero’s letters. They were so calm and soothing to Loki’s addled mind.

“You’ve always liked reading.” Thor remarked as he stepped into the kitchen.

Loki looked up. “Indeed.” He said. “It is all I have done for years here. This world is truly opposite of everything we thought.”

Thor sat down on the other chair. His eyes were dark with emotion as he looked at Loki. “Will you stay here?”

Loki looked down at the book. What could he do in Asgard? Play in politics and marry Thor? Retire to the countryside and write?

As much as an early retirement didn’t sound so bad Loki knew that Thor wanted to rule. And Thor had the ‘divine right’ to rule over Asgard. Loki had never had it.

Part of Loki liked the idea of lording over Asgard and by extension, the rest of the realms as Thor’s spoiled Queen and consort. But such a complacent life is one Loki had never wanted. And an even greater part of him knew that if he truly had any power in Asgard he would force them all to read books and educate themselves and that would probably result in another revolution and Loki would get tossed off the bifrost again.

And something told Loki that if he were tossed again Thor probably wouldn’t wait around for him.

“I still need more time to decide about that.” Loki said absently.

“At least eat something other than bread while you decide.” Thor pleaded. “Do you like eggs?”

“Yes.” Loki said. “I like them over easy with toast.”

“Do you want any bacon?”

Loki felt himself blush as he said the next line. “I don’t eat meat.”

Loki heard Thor drop a fork. “That’s new.” Thor said tonelessly.

“I told you I’m not the same.”

Thor laughed. “I like it. It is very much like you.”

Breakfast was cut short when Loki felt a definite disturbance in magic. Soundlessly Loki stood up and closed his eyes. Feeling Amora out.

They were in Oklahoma.

“Thor. We need to get the Avengers I know where they are.” Loki said as he summoned his armor. “They’re in Durant.”

“Where?”

“Oklahoma. We’ll need the Avengers’s jet.”

Within fifteen minutes Loki, Thor, and the disgruntled Avengers were all flying toward Durant, Oklahoma.

“You look snazzy.” Tony said when he saw Loki’s Asgardian attire.

“It’s nothing.” Loki said with a smirk.

Loki looked out the window and shook his head slightly at the desolate landscape. America had its own Jotunheim it seemed. Just in great plains version.

Once they landed Loki told the Avengers where Tyr and the two were and then promptly teleported himself there.

The three of them were on some poor farmer’s land, messing all the crops up and trying to draw runes into the ground. The wind whipped Loki’s outfit and his feet crunched the straw underfoot as he approached.

They all turned and Loki saw fear flash through their eyes when they saw him.

He smirked cruelly at them. Popping his neck for effect as he spoke.

“I’ll have to ask you to leave these parts and go back to Asgard.” Loki said in his best approximation of an Oklahoman accent.

“Ha ha. Very funny Loki. We all know you’ll only back that up with Thor’s help. And he isn’t here.” Karnilla said. “After all, what is a Prince of Asgard without his King.”

They were trying to ruffle Loki’s feathers. And it was working.

He stomped on the ground and instantly it froze completely beneath his feet. The nearby crops died, but the runes they were trying to make failed.

Amora stood up as if she was going to give Loki a piece of her mind. But Tyr only pointed her back to her task and he went to attack Loki.

If Loki had been in proper fighting shape, he would have been able to dodge, but as it were Loki was sliced horribly down one arm while attempting to dodge.

But being hurt was Loki’s plan, because right then Thor appeared. Thunder and lightning roared in his wake and when he saw Loki had been harmed his elemental seidr spiked and he launched into a feral attack against Tyr.

Sometimes the best fighting is all done indirectly.

While the other Avengers dealt with Amora and Karnilla Loki knelt down next to the runes and examined them. It was a summoning spell, the results of which would have been catastrophic. Which explains why they were in Oklahoma. If they summoned a monster out here it would take a few minutes for the world to discover it.

In a few moments the spells were gone and useless and Loki cast his own spell, which transported the evil three back to their jail cells in Asgard.

Loki was tempted to send Thor off to Asgard as well. It would end Thor’s pestering and give Loki some reprieve with which he could gather his thoughts.

But that would undoubtedly hurt Thor beyond repair. Not something Loki was too keen on doing, accidental deaths aside.

Once Loki had cast the spell he collapsed into the muddy thawing ground with a sigh and without a care for his armor. He was bone tired after the last few days and he wanted to sleep for an age.

“Where did you send them?” Thor asked as he lifted Loki from the ground.

“In their jail cells.” Loki giggled. “I know its anticlimactic, but I really didn’t want to mess up anymore of this farm.”

Loki looked around and smiled. “In fact Thor, it’s so pretty here. Why don’t we retire and work on a farm? Then we don’t have to be Kings or Gods.”

“I’ll think about it.” Thor said as he crushed Loki to himself in a hug. Then he dragged Loki to Asgard to receive proper medical care.

Epilogue. 5 years later

“What are we facing today, o wise one?” Peter Parker asked cheekily as he and Loki were in route to face an enemy.

“I do not know. And I promised Stark that I wouldn’t look ahead with my powers. He said that it’s someone who will make us laugh.” Loki said mischievously.

“I’m excited.” Peter said brightly.

“Don’t you have a thesis to be working on?” Loki asked as they swung between the buildings.

Peter’s scowl was visible through the mask. “Thanks for reminding me Dad.”

Loki laughed. “It’s in my nature now I guess.”

They landed in Central Park and saw a man in purple spandex terrorizing some citizens.

“Looks like a run of the mill villain to me.” Peter said.

“I have to agree.” Loki said as they approached.

The man in the Spandex was speaking Latin of some sort. It was so garbled though that not even the AllSpeak could decipher it. Quite interesting.

“I believe some people are rolling over in their graves.” Loki said loud enough for the villain to hear. He didn’t look like he was doing much harm though, just being a public nuisance.

“Ah ha! At last, the fake God has arrived.” The man said with a flourish. “I have been waiting for you, Chaos God.”

“He must have seen your office.” Peter remarked.

Loki shot him a glare. “I’m here now, so do tell us your spiel so that we might arrest you.”

“I! am Bible man.” The spandex clad man said. “I am here to show everyone the light of Jesus and convert them to Christiantity. If you will listen, I will tell you some of my favorite lines from the bible. And we may discuss them like scholars.”

Loki rolled his eyes. “I don’t actually have time for this.” Loki said with crossed arms. “I left the baby at home with Grandma, and she’s teething. I don’t have a lot of time.”

“You didn’t bring Hela with you?” Peter pouted. “But she loves Uncle Spidey!”

“I’ll bring her next time. Thor was worried about the danger after Stark’s message. The man simply cannot take a joke.”

“But! But! In Leviticus-“ Bible Man tried to interject.

Loki merely waved a hand. Effectively silencing him and putting hand cuffs on him. The spell would wear off once he was in custody.

“I got the day off.” Loki said to Peter. “How about we play some hooky? I want some coffee.”

“Of course!” Peter said brightly. “Brooklyn here we go.”

At the end of the day Loki returned to Asgard with coffee and bagels.

“I’m home!” Loki said as he walked into his hall. He could hear murmurings from the nursery and he poked his head in to investigate.

Thor was sitting in front of the fireplace with their tiny blond daughter. She was wrapped in a blanket and looked to be just fallen asleep.

Loki walked over and placed a hand on Thor’s shoulder. Thor looked up at him with a smile. “Did you vanquish your foe?” Thor asked quietly.

“As always.” Loki said as he took his daughter effortlessly out of Thor’s arms. Thor stretched his arms out and stood to follow Loki to the crib.

Once Loki had set her down Thor took his hand. “I missed you today.” Thor said quietly as they left Hela.

“Did you?” Loki asked sweetly as he lifted Thor’s fingers to his lips.

“I worry about if you don’t return.”

The words sent a pang through Loki.

It is a real concern. While Loki has moved back into Asgard and even borne Thor a child, he never agreed to officially marry Thor. So Hela is not officially Thor’s heir, cannot inherit Thor’s throne, and upon Loki’s death would be sent to live with Loki’s next closest kin.

In Jotunheim.

Loki laughed uneasily. “You know that won’t happen.” Loki said. “I am especially hard to kill.”

“But if we were married-“ Thor began.

“You know my stance on that.” Loki said as he turned away and went to make himself comfortable. “I don’t want my daughter to inherit a throne she doesn’t want.”

Thor sat down. “All of Asgard already knows we are married in everything but name, why not officially do it? It won’t change anything. You can still come and go as you please. I promise.”

“I don’t want to be married to a King.” Loki said as he sat down. “I’ve told you.”

“You would be my equal in everything! I promise!” Thor said.

“Thor. I’m done talking about this.” Loki said as he huffed and went to bed.

The next morning Loki woke late and went into the nursery, but before he went into the room he heard Thor murmuring to Hela. Like a rascal, Loki hid and listened.

“I love you.” Thor cooed. “Yes I do. You’re perfect and you’re my daughter, my little bundle of joy. My perfect little Hela. Do you want to be Queen of Asgard? Because I want you to be Queen of Asgard. The first woman to ever sit on Asgard’s throne in her own right. Even though your Father is being obstinate I’ll find a way to make you my heir. Don’t you worry little one, I’ll protect you.”

Loki bit the inside of his cheek. Thor knew how to play him. Promise their young daughter a throne. And promise her everything. Well it wouldn’t be enough.

“And all of Asgard will see how strong and smart you are. But Daddy will make sure you’re safe as long as he can. Yes I will.”

Loki gnashed his teeth. Oh _Norns_ he wanted to see it. His daughter sitting on the throne of Asgard. The first ever Queen. The first woman to rule Asgard in her own right without a man.

It would be beautiful.

And it would be _his_ daughter.

Damn Thor.

Loki stepped into the room and glared at Thor. While Thor just smiled at him sweetly.

“I want the biggest wedding in the nine realms. And if you have an affair I will push you out a window and seal Mjolnir.” Loki said darkly.

That didn’t seem to faze Thor in the slightest. “Of course Loki.” He said.

And the bastard pulled a ring out of his pocket.

It was the tiny ring from Loki’s memories, a sweet secret between the two of them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note: Bible Man is a real thing. If you want a good laugh look it up on Youtube and get ready to disturb your roommates/family with laughter. I'm not kidding.


End file.
